how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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