I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
