im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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