My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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