thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
