Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
