we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
