and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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