so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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