Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
