Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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