He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
