i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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