That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
