You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
