I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
