did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize