You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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