I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
