i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i love accidental penises.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
