i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
