dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
