Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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