I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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