Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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