Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
