i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So much rum. So many feels.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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