And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
