Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
