Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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