don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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