moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
