How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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