i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
