Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
