Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize