I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
