listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
