ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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