No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
