That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
