somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
