she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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