i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
