Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
