Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
