dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
