Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
