I didn't shave. On purpose
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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