hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My bed smells like the plague
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
