yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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