you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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