i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
