hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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