The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
