its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
