Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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