After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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