this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
