you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
