Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
