Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
