Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
cat food counts as protein by the way
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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