There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
