I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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