the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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