i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
