no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize