It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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