you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
