I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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