Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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