would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
