you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
