I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
