we have pet lesbian snakes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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