I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
