I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
