Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
