Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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