dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
