You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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