I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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