Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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