you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
