I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dear god my vagina.
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