he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to sanitize my soul.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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