and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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