the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
