I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
