morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My life is pants optional.
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