Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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