i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
