I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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