you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
