i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
