I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
