Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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