So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
