Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
