I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
