how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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