I have demons in me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize