I CAN MOONWALK!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
