we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
