I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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