At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize