So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
