apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
