are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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