i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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