she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
